Two people tossing a ball to each other seems friendly enough. The ease and gentleness of the throw is an indication that there is no malice. Consider the opposite where two people are throwing stones. The stones are not toys or an object of play (as in sport). Thus tossing stones at each other does not appear normal. The more forceful it is thrown, the more you think of malice and potential harm being caused by these flying stones.
These are examples of what is experienced in marriage. The first couple, tossing a ball, are two people who take time to communicate and discuss. They share. There are kindness and love in their speech and in their words. This must be repeated: “there are kindness and love in the speech and in the words”. I separated speech and words even though words are part of speech. Nevertheless, the emphasis on words is that while people may use gentle speech, the words contained therein may be dangerous and harmful. You must incline to goodness and not let your gentle tossing of the ball yet contain poison.
The second example of throwing stones is potentially a more explosive situation. The absence of love shown conceals the existence of love between the couple. The constant bickering, the passing of judgment on your spouse, the aggressive tone of voice, perhaps the use of expletives and, the raspberry on top, the cussing. This is a relationship wasted, time wasted and loads of energy channeled in the wrong direction. The ideal is to lay a platform upfront, in the early stages of the relationship. However, you may have been married for a few years already and this sort of behaviour has become the norm. It does not have to be and, in truth, in should not be. It is not the end of the road because while you are always be teachable, you have a chance to unlearn and relearn, especially learning that which is good for you. You complain that you are drained but you have not taken decisive action to change things. The body needs physical exercise and the mind benefits from it. The mind needs a change of thinking which can also benefit the body and, importantly, the heart.
Everything to do with you starts with you. You must decide to change things and then invite those who play an integral part of your life, to be part of this journey. Relationships need love, trust and understanding as the pillars on which the marriage is built. Introduce it, implement it and open the door to contentment.
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