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“They are perfect for each other” is contrasted by “what did he see in her?” and so is the view from the outside. The perfect marriage or a good marriage is not based on the opinions of others but in the life of the married couple together.

The one who claims to know the couple and offers advice may yet be short of the pivotal piece of information. “Claiming” to know is very different from being informed by the parties. Blabbering outside of the house does no one any good. The listener gets, at best, half the story while some information may be mixed with that of the listener’s own emotions. Ah yes, it is better to get it, whatever issue, off one’s chest. Yet marriage is a club between husband and wife where secrets are kept. It is not a secret club but a club of secrets. A bond where the honour of both spouses is protected. Having said that, then there may be a need to consult with a professional on marital issues, on matters of improving your marriage, and of reconciliation in the marriage. This is a forum where you are confident that there is a genuine interest to assist you while whatever is discussed remains absolutely confidential. Of course, the idea is for both parties to be present and that is the better option. The most important point is to avoid gossip and to look for real solutions. Confidence in the process is important and so too in the counsellor or mediator. It is unnecessary to allow outsiders to negatively impact your marriage while they know little, and should know little, of what happens inside your marriage. Counsellors are there to bring greater understanding between the couple and to strengthen the bond.

The emotion of the listener must not result in the wrong advice being offered. The better option is to seek out the right people to assist, sometimes for a refresher on aspects of marriage, sometimes seeking help before things, in the marriage, gets out of hand and, sometimes, to save your marriage.

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