The need to eat and the want to eat is constrained by its reason. Your raised eyebrow brings a smile to my face. You are in a relationship and maybe even married so for you this will be an interesting next paragraph or two.
Life must be understood by its common denominators. You will little clue about your life, your goals and achievements unless you know what the starting point is. Life back in the day was simpler for so many different reasons. Eating out was sitting outside. The small difference now is that that definition of “eating out” has expanded a little because you are still sitting “outside” but to complete it, it reads “outside of your house in a place where someone else prepared the meal for which you now will have to pay that person”. Expanding on that further we have to first go back to the basics: Eating is a need and fulfilling this need at its basic level is to eat. When choices are on offer which exceeds this basic need: What to eat, where to eat, etc, then the need has been transformed into a want, a desire. Over time wants and desires may start drifting further away from needs into the realm of luxury.
Relationships are a part of the needs of every person. Your birth depended on a relationship with your mother who suckled you. Fast forward to the point where you develop relationships with marriage as a means to sanctify the relationship. Each person comes into the relationship being the provider of some basic needs for the other. Life has evolved to the degree where wants have replaced needs. Problems arise when the wants of one party is at the expense of the needs of the next party. The need of the relationship is to foster love between two people. However, few sit down and actually understand what they seek to accomplish with this relationship, this marriage. Sometimes things become too mechanical and relationships are formed because of “in love” rather than the establishment of love. Love is a need (don’t be concerned by those who claim not to need love – they should contact me anyway). There are tools attached to it like communication and support. From love grows happiness (over and above the happiness that each individual should already have). When the foundation is there where the needs are met, then you can explore your wants without neglecting the needs. Always bear in mind that a real relationship cannot be strong without the needs being met. The wants are decorations and aesthetics.
Everything has a basis and so do relationships. Know what is required of a relationship, a marriage, and know that both parties agree and can meet the needs. Understand each other enough, through effective communication, what the wants are from each party. The success lies in the proper construction of the relationship and agreeing to the house rules of that relationship. Unilateral changes and unfair demands and wants are destructive. Let’s build, not break down. Love and love more.
Picture Courtesy: https://www.inc.com
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